TO LOVE CORRECTION

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid. (Proverbs 12:1)

I think that we can all honestly say that being corrected is not fun. To have someone come to us and point out faults in us is difficult and offensive, shattering our cultural expectation that everyone will "mind their own business." In addition to this, as Christians, we not only receive corrections on specific actions we may have done but also more generally on our character as a whole. Ouch. This is even harder.

UP GO THE DEFENSES

We naturally hate to be corrected for a variety of reasons. The book of Proverbs describes some of these:

The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice. (Proverbs 12:15)

And,

All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord. (Proverbs 16:2)

To be blunt, in our natural self we are foolish, and we justify (without even thinking about it) the things we do and say. And so, when someone comes along and tells us that something we have done is wrong, or (worse!) that there is some kind of defect in our character or maturity, out come the excuses:

"Well, you don't understand..."
"You don't know me well enough…”
"That's not what I meant..."
"You're just too hard...."
"Well, I'm just different than you..."
"I just see things another way..."

And so on, fill in the blank. We turn on our defenses and we refuse to be taught. Our pride has blinded us to the loving, correcting voice of our Father spoken through our brothers and sisters in Christ. We don't want our illusion of "Everything is fine!" to be disturbed or broken.

INTO DARKNESS

When we refuse to be taught and corrected by those speaking the Word of God to us, and instead rely on our own understanding and perspectives about ourselves, we take a step into dangerous darkness. The Proverbs continue to warn us:

Mockers resent correction, so they avoid the wise. (Proverbs 15:12)

Now, since we have so disliked the discomfort of being taught and corrected, we begin to avoid those who have done so. Our foolishness is compounded by pride and self-justification. Whether we avoid them literally or just try to avoid talking with people about certain subjects, we have stepped further away from humility and into pride. Sure, we justify this by telling ourselves, "I'm just avoiding conflict," or, "They just don't understand”—but the Word of God makes it clear that you are just insulating yourself from the truth and going further into stubborn, foolish pride.

But if avoidance doesn't work, we'll go even further, as the book of Proverbs again tells us:

Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults; whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse. (Proverbs 9:7)

Our heart begins to attack those who correct us. We judge them as being "judgmental" (how ironic). We call them hypocrites. We think of all their faults and fill ourselves with offense so that we, in the end, not only reject their corrections but them. We have become not only foolish but what the Bible calls a "wicked mocker*."

*A "mocker" [לוּץ lowts in Hebrew] is not someone who makes fun of someone, but someone who speaks and acts arrogantly. It is a person who has become very proud in their character.

And yet, even though we are trying so hard to defend ourselves, to justify our actions, opinions and life, we are in reality poisoning ourselves to death with pride, as the Proverbs sternly informs us:

Whoever disregards discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored. (Proverbs 13:18, emphasis added)

Stern discipline awaits anyone who leaves the path; the one who hates correction will die. (Proverbs 15:10, emphasis added)

TRUE FRIENDS

In the beautiful hymn “In the Secret of His Presence,” it says:

Do you think He never reproves me? What a false Friend He would be,
If He never, never told me of the sins which He must see,
Of the sins which He must see.¹

This shows a clear understanding of true, biblical friendship. A friend (and the Lord is our ultimate Friend) tells us the truth about our character. They do so in love, desiring to see us grow in closeness and likeness of Jesus. In fact, quite contrary to our sinful and worldly view, it is our true friends who are willing to lovingly hurt us:

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. (Proverbs 27:6)

Contrary to our feelings, those who can only say good things to us are really our enemies. It could be the person we call our "best friend," our spouse or our parents. Those who cannot see and tell us honestly, in love, what the faults of our character are, in reality, are the enemies of our souls. But those who, for love's sake, are willing to hurt us with the truth and see us through the eyes of the Lord are truly our greatest friends.

This is the same principle of parenting, in which the Bible tells us: "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them" (Proverbs 13:24). Many feel they are "loving" their children when they "spare the rod," but the Bible tells them it is hateful towards children to withhold the rod when they need it. In the same way, it may be more pleasant to surround yourself with people who only say "nice things" to you and only "encourage" you—but you have, according to the Scriptures, surrounded yourself with pleasant enemies, not true friends.

LOVING TRUTH

In conclusion, we are called to be children of the light: those who love truth and desire, above all things, to please our heavenly Father. Thus, we must learn by God's grace to love correction. As King David declares:

Let a righteous man strike me—that is a kindness; let him rebuke me—that is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it, for my prayer will still be against the deeds of evildoers. (Proverbs 141:5)

Both speaking the truth in love and receiving the painful truth in humility is one of the main tools the Lord uses to grow and mature us in Christ:

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. (Ephesians 4:14-16)

May our heavenly Father humble our stubborn pride and teach us to be those who love correction because we love truth. May we be those who love correction because we yearn above all things to be like Jesus—more than we want to be "right" or comfortable—to be like Him and near Him. May we always remember that: